An "Are You Kidding Me" Moment

This requires very few words. Ellie just got an entire whistle stuck in her mouth. Lord above, protect the one's I love!

Going HOME Again!

It's been a long hard winter, and the past few days of cold, rainy, gloomy weather were a killer! I am so grateful for today's sunshine and 60 degree temp that I could sing on the rooftop. The best news of all, is that lake season is finally upon us! For the past 60 years almost, the tradition has been that any time on or before April 16th is a "safe" time to open up the cottage at Lake Dutch (our term of endearment for Lake George - named after my Grandpa Dutch who started the whole thing with Granma all those years ago). When Gramps, as we affectionately called him, passed away my Aunt Shishy (Susie) and my mom inherited the cottage. Aunt Shishy has five adult children, and there are three adult children in our family. Together we also have ten young children. Of this motley crew, 29 of us spend most weekends in the summer at Lake Dutch. On any given weekend, we can expect some unexpected guests as well (friends of the kids, kids of my other two aunts that chose not to take ownership of the cottage, friends of the adults, neighbors and/or their kids, etc...) It's a "cozy" place to say the least. Luckily it is a big old place and can bed the entire gang pretty comfortably. We're a little unusual, unless you grew up in a Mormon sect in Nevada. Families share bedrooms as privately as we can, and there is only one tiny bathroom for all. As you can imagine, there is always a line when duty calls. Somehow, not only do we all manage each weekend with a smile on our face, but I think each of the 29 frequent inhabitants would say it's their favorite place on earth! I know I can say that without a doubt! This is the weekend we go and undo what Old Man Winter has done to the place. The water is turned back on, the gas heat is fired up for cold evenings, spiders are displaced from their comfy corner webs, mice get the message that they no longer rule the roost, dust and dirt get vacuumed, scrubbed, sprayed, disinfected and destroyed... until once again we can claim our summer prize! It's a lot of work, but it's a lot of fun too! My mother, "Young Dode" as my nephew (more like little brother) teasingly calls her, is like a well oiled machine. She cleans until her skin bleeds, her fingernails fall off (OK, that happens pretty frequently even when she's not cleaning - inside joke), her pony tail swishes in a cloud of dust and there is no mildew or speck of dirt that can elude her! And, it never fails that we get to laughing so hard that a change of pants (or 2, or 3...) is required (OK, that happens to her all the time too. I'm not making fun, my day is coming!) I can smell that lake smell as I sit here and type. It's a place where nature is more than just a word, it's an experience. The squirrels are more friendly, the birds chirp happier songs, the flowers bloom with the same anticipation that we have on our first visit. It is a spiritual place where I can feel God's presence in the laughter of my children, the closeness of extended family, the one-of-a-kind sunsets over the lake, even in the old squeaky wood stairs that have been witness to so many wonderful memories over the past 6 decades. Each time I drive around the bend just before the cottage, each time I pull into the gravel driveway and navigate my way around countless cars and kids, each time I step foot on the cement steps poured by Gramps leading past his favorite swing, each time I enter that sacred place - I know I'm HOME! Tomorrow I go HOME once again!

The Game Never Ends

My girls (especially the 4 year old) want to play games ALL THE TIME!!!!! Even though I say no about 500 times per day, I swear I play more games than any other grown woman in the world! That said, I just sat down to watch Scrubs and the entire time I was sitting in my chair I was trying to pretend my daughter wasn't climbing all over me, talking incessantly about nothing, repeating the words "Will you play the animal game, will you play the animal game, will you play the animal game....! As we've both been conditioned, at about the 20th time, I finally erupted "YES, I'LL PLAY THE ANIMAL GAME" (in my head it went something like this "Ugh, I'll play the stupid animal game if you will shut your trap for 10 seconds so I can relax). Anyway, first she tries to tell me that she's going to act out an animal and I have to shut my eyes and guess what she is. Do you see the problem with these rules? Let's just say - thank God for DVR once again - I had to pause my show and explain that I couldn't guess what she was acting out if I couldn't see her. Moving on... the first animal she acted out was a crab and I got it on the 2nd try. SIDE NOTE: We now have 2 pet hermit crabs, Hermy/Crabby and Larry. That'll be another blog. So, thinking I satisfied the requirement for "playing the game" I un-paused the show only to be bombarded once again by "Can you guess one more time, can you guess one more time, can you guess one more time????? PAUSE a 2nd time - So she sits down , indian style, in the lid of another board game I had to play earlier (Check-Up Charlie), blinks her left and right eye back and forth, back and forth, turns her hands into the same pincher's she used to act out the crab, flaps her knees (like the butterfly exercise) up and down and repeats "Oink, Oink, Oink, Oink.." I find myself staring at her in amazement. After guessing a few strange combinations of animals I tell her I give up. She proudly tells me she was a "Crazy bird thingy, with two pincher's and an oinking voice." Gee, how could I miss that one? What a kid! The bottom line - I am so blessed to have two beautiful daughters that want to play with their mommy, and although I may not always be in the mood to play I never regret a good game of "What animal am I?"

Stride Rite Gum - The Paper is Not Edible!

Oh, the lessons we learn as young people. How is it that when we are young and vulnerable, our "friends" can lead us astray? Is it intentional? Is is because they too have been mislead? I can remember being a youngin' myself and all the times girls especially would try to sabotage me or other friends so that they felt in control and looked better than the crowd. It's one thing to go through it yourself and come through the other end OK - It's another to see that it's starting to happen to your own little kids. Luckily this is a small thing... but it feels like foreshadowing of things to come. My 10 year old just came to me proud and confident- chomping (uncharacteristically) on a piece of gum. She said, "It's Stride Rite, you can eat the paper!" Two girls in school were showing off and convinced her and many others that you can eat the paper while chewing the gum. In fairness to the girls, I don't know if they too were snowed by another peer, or if they were pulling a mean-spirited prank. Regardless, I told my daughter to "google" the predicament online and find out if it were true or not. Sure enough, she came back to me (chewing with a lot less luster) and confessed that she had been dooped. I tried to set her at ease and explained that she can't believe everything she hears. Hmmm... I remember my parents famous line "If your friends jump off a bridge, will you?" I guess some things never change! I pray that as these moments intensify, God will give me the wisdom to turn them into teachable moments. SIDE NOTE: As I was typing this, my 4 year old came to me with her sisters $5 bill (which was hidden in "The Golden Egg" on Sunday) and explained that she should get to keep the $5 because she 'looked' in the right spot two times but didn't see it, so really she found it first! Oh, if only life were that simple, little one!!!

34 Nipple

When I became pregnant with my first daughter in 1997, I was very happy with my size 34 B breasts. OK, I’ll be honest, they were a small 34 B, none-the-less that’s what it said right there on my bra. I’ve always had a certain confidence about my body despite its imperfections and contradictions to the popular belief that size matters. I found smaller breasts to be comfortable and even attractive. I’ll even go so far as to say that I find Pamela Anderson’s figure overwhelming and repulsive. Luckily I married a man that agrees with me. What’s the old saying? More than a handful is too much! Don’t be offended big-breasted ladies…you have enough cheerleaders in your corner. As many of you who have birthed children know, pregnancy and especially nursing can change our bodies. Women like myself (and our husbands) get the privilege of experiencing a fuller figure as our breasts fill with the liquid gold that gives our children nourishment. Of course, it’s accompanied by the ever so sexy leakage of breast milk and nursing pads…but who’s complaining? Then comes the day when we decide it’s time to pack up the breast pump, put away the nursing bra and let it all dry up. Among many emotions that accompany this decision (most of which are a totally separate topic) is the feeling of empowerment as we embark on reclaiming our bodies. We endure the agony of engorgement, mastitis and clogged tear ducts. We dig out our sultry 34 B’s (OK, our comfy granny garments) and wait. A couple of weeks go by, and we discover that we haven’t reclaimed our bodies at all. In my case, and I certainly hope I’m not alone, I seemed to have reclaimed my 14-year-old nieces body! Yes, it really does happen. I lost 1 full cup size. I went from a confidant 34 B in 1997 to a still confident but a little shocked, 34 A in 1998. I know what you are thinking and you are right. I was a small 34 A. Thanks for keeping me honest! I had 7 years to get acquainted with my new body and to re-introduce my husband to the girls. I must say we all remained one big (OK, small) happy family. No big deal, right? That’s what I thought until I found myself blessed with a second (surprise) pregnancy. You know the drill. Pregnancy and nursing equals growing anatomy (not just the boobs this time!) I plumped back up to a full 34 B and was thankful to have those old bras stashed in a storage box in the crawl space. I nursed my 2nd daughter for 19 months and I although I remembered what happened the first time; I really thought I had nowhere else to go. I convinced myself that I would have to remain the 34 small A woman I grew to love and accept. So, decision time came and I again endured engorgement, mastitis, clogged tear ducts and waited patiently to reclaim my body. Let me just say that waiting for me was no budding 16 year old chest! As I stood in front of the mirror I realized that this time I reclaimed the body of my 8 year old. There is just something wrong with the sight of a 35-year-old women shopping and FINDING the perfect new bra in the little girls section of Target. Yes, I am officially a 34 Nipple! No cup size necessary. Needless to say, I can’t afford another surprise pregnancy! As a Mother I have learned to roll with the punches and appreciate me for me. I hope you can do the same. Bra size, stretch marks, tribal boobs and the like may try their best to change who we are, but we have the ability to embrace our identity and hold on to the things that matter.

Baked Beans vs. The Gym

And the winner is...... (drum roll please)

BAKED BEANS!

And the crowd goes wild! (all you women out there that that choose chocolate over crunches, chips over an apple, a Big Mac over the stepper - you know who you are - let's hear it)

I'm here to make you all feel better about yourselves. Because TODAY, baked beans won, and you are not alone.

Yesterday I packed my gym clothes so that I could work out after work. Today those gym clothes are still in the bag and I didn't even take them with me to work. Why??? That's the million dollar question. The excuse I told myself is that it's April 14th and instead of being a beautiful spring day, it's freezing, windy, rainy and down-right crappy outside. I didn't want to go from the car to the front door of the gym, so instead I drove home and pulled into my garage which allowed me to pretend it doesn't feel like February instead of April.

Not only that, but I walked straight in to my kitchen (I'm not hungry- mind you), opened the fridge and took out my mom's left-over baked beans (made with 1 lb of bacon + the bacon grease) and devoured a huge bowl full!!!!! Oh my gosh, were they good. And now, I'm sitting at my computer with a 24 oz bottle of Mtn Dew which I gave up for 4 years and recently started drinking again!

Howz that for self-control? That's the beauty of being a grown-up... I can eat and drink what I want, ha!

Now that THAT'S out of my system, I really do try to be healthy most of the time. I enjoy working out and being in shape and I dislike it when my pants are too tight and I feel like a slouch. So today is a day for no worries and sweat pants - tomorrow remains to be seen.

A Quiet Cup of Joe

(I love them so much, but 'like' them soo much more when they are asleep :) (I recently took a picture of my oldest sleeping too, but if you think I could find it in my unorganized mess of computer folders, you're crazy!) My alarm rings at 5:40am and my thoughts immediately go to the hot cup of coffee waiting for me down stairs. As my title suggests, I don't really call it "Joe" - it just sounded more colorful. As a matter of fact, I'm about as far from a coffee snob (sorry to those of you who know what a grande, double, mocha, skim, latte with 1/2 blah, blah, blah is) as one could be. I prefer my cheap home brewed mild coffee with 2 sweet-n-low's and lots of coffee mate. Now, I do like some of the sweet cappuccino's (not sure of the spelling) like the 2 times per year I buy a small, white mocha peppermint from Starbucks, but I'm confused by latte, mocha, cappuccino and frappuccino... So, for me - the small town, mid western girl - I wake up early (before the sun and especially before the family gets up) poor my time brewed cup of coffee, snuggle next to the pup on my favorite chair and watch whatever has recorded on my DVR the night before. My favorite mornings are Monday - "Brothers & Sisters", Thursdays - "Lost", and "Lie to Me", and Fridays - "Greys Anatomy" and "Private Practice". I think I'm forgetting one of my favorites, but it is still 6:42am! I also record Oprah each day and other random shows. DVR (TiVo) is the single most wonderful and important technological advancement of our time!!!! That is a blog on it's own, but those of you that are lucky enough to know what I mean will surely agree... Anyway, this time is MY TIME. I love it! I get up early every day and enjoy the peace and quiet of my home. I get to shoey (family code for a B.M. - that's as much explanation your are gonna get) all by myself (well almost - my dog still joins me, and if I shut the door she paw's at it until I let her in), I get to check emails, FaceBook and now - write a bit on my blog. This time fills me up just enough to start each day on a positive note. I now have exactly 5 minutes to take care of business ;-) and get my butt in the shower. 7:26am I have 4 minutes until I wake my oldest up to get in the shower and I realized that I just posted, for the world to see (and I'm sure that the world is glued to my riveting blog each day) about my most private moments. I thought you should know that I grew up with two younger sisters and my mother sharing a bathroom - there were times when 2 kids were going shoey at the same time on the same toilet! Plus, we spend the weekends in the summer at my grandfather's lake cottage and there can easily be 30 people sharing one bathroom. And, I know you fellow mom's understand that once you have children and/or pets - going 'shoey' is a community event. OK - it's been 5 minutes... gotta run.

"Air Dishoner"

I'm going write about this because my brain can only retain so much information and it reached it's capacity some time in 2003. It was a good, well-functioning brain during my oldest daughters infant & toddler years. It was capable of recalling birth weight, time of birth, milestone dates, loved one's birthdays... it was much more creative then too. Every holiday or special occasion, I would do a photo shoot of my daughter in some kind of relevant "costume" or "get up" and write a cute poem for my family. It was my fun way of keeping in touch because we lived out of state at the time.

Things started to change about the time I became pregnant with my second daughter in early 2004. A friend of ours coined the term for a pregnant woman's state of mind after spending the weekend with me while carrying my daughter... "Bionic Dumbness" was the term, and it would have ticked me off, except that I knew he was right. Something happens when you are carrying a child in your womb. It literally sucks the life out of you - it sucks the nutrients from your body, it's little developing brain must suck most of your brain cells, and for sure it sucks every ounce of energy you once had. This last example of sucking is why I also coined the term "bionic tiredness". You men may have had pregnant wives or daughters that absolutely could not keep their eyes open past 5pm! That's bionic tiredness! It's like someone slipped a drug in to your pickle juice.

Anyway, back to the subject (that's the nice thing about a blog by the way, I'm assuming no one will ever read this, so I can blabber on about whatever I want - kind of the way I do when I've had a couple glasses of vino)... so, I was saying that my brain lost much of it's function in 2004 and I no longer have the ability to remember the cute little things my second daughter does and for some reason I can't seem to write it down in a book like I did my first born either.

(NOTE TO ELLIE: Some day, honey, if you get a chance to read mommy's blog. Please know that I love you to the sun and back (that's what I say to you every night at bedtime) and that it's not that I didn't care enough to write about all your wonderful milestones and cute Ellie-ism's...it's just that mommy has become an idiot. It's partially your fault so remember that when you are 35, sitting on the phych couch thinking of reasons to blame me for your problems)

Here's the warm fuzzy part:

(Bath time before my big girl got too big)

When Ellie takes her bath now (I'm getting really good now - bath time about every 2 or 3 days instead of once per week) (Wait... don't judge me - you know you secretly would like to skip bath night too - and remember she's my 2nd born. My oldest was scrubbed head to toe every night of the poor child's life!), she does a great job of washing herself, washing her hair and using what I call cream rinse or conditioner. When she can't reach the hair conditioner she'll ask me to reach it for her and she calls it "air dishoner". I know! Isn't that cute? That is precisely why I have to blog it. If I don't I'll forget she was ever so cute and innocent! And the way she pushes my buttons, I may forget in an hour.

Hammin' It Up!

Easter 2009 was a great day shared with my family! It was also my nephew's 5th birthday and I hosted Easter lunch and a birthday party yesterday. I love to entertain in my home and in my kitchen especially. I love the whole process of planning a get-together, but the best part is cooking for everyone. My immediate family members, with the exception of my 10 year old, are very picky eaters. I do not get the pleasure of cooking "normal" meals for them, let alone creative, interesting meals... so I'm always happy to have a house full of appetites. I tackled my first Easter ham, thanks to the food network website and Tyler Florance's "Citrus Glazed Ham" recipe. Found here : http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/tyler-florence/tangerine-glazed-easter-ham-with-baby-carrots-recipe/index.html . It was very easy and delicious (unless everyone was being polite and feeding it to our dog, Annie, under the table).

My parents, my two sisters, their husbands, my three nephews, my mom's sister - Aunt Shishy and my cousin, her husband and two teenage daughters were all here. I told my husband the fam would probably be here for a few hours, but true to form, they were here almost 9 hours. That man I married was a real trooper, I must say. I'm very close to my crazy, large family and he never complains or fusses about their involvement in my life. He knows I'd choose them over him, probably... Just kidding!!!

My baby sister (8 years my junior) baked and decorated a spectacular Super Man cake for her Super Man, Dukie. Her husband had the exact same cake as a kid, so she found the cake pan, face and "S" on ebay from the 70's and spent hours piping the frosting. We were all quite proud of her efforts. Of course, it wasn't as impressive as the ham!

The men mostly sat in the family room and watched the Masters on TV. The women shared a few brew's and talked about how crazy we all are. We delight in our disfunction, after all. It's what make's us unique and fun. It's one thing to strap on an old June Cleever apron and whip up a glazed ham and pretend to be the brady bunch - anyone can do that. It's another thing to show eachother our true colors and still want to see eachother the next day (well, maybe a couple of days later, anyway). We own our insanity and wear it on our sleeves for all the world to judge us.

Part of our pretending to be the Cleevers included an Easter Egg hunt, whacking a pinata until it burst with candy, and a family photo op.

Background: Our family (MeMaw, PawPaw, my family of 4, my sisters family of 4 and my other sister's family of 3 - plus one on the way) have wanted to get a family picture for about 20 years. It's IMPOSSIBLE!!! When we all get together and look half ways decent it's like a nut house and even though it seems like it would be easy enough to grab a camera and snap a few shots... it NEVER happens! Well, I was determined to make it happen yesterday! I told the gang to come looking fine (which meant my middle sister and her family were 1.5 hours late because she had to iron) and ready to pose... TOGETHER! I set up the tri-pod in the neighbors yard because it was the only place I wouldn't have cars, houses or crap in the background. So there we all were - adorable and saying cheese... and just as I was about to hit the timer button and run into the picture - the neighbors giant golden retreiver comes running out of their garage and into the frame. The kids all got out of line to play with the dog, my mom's foot started bleeding when the beasts claw dug into her skin - all hell broke loose! So what did we do? What any fine photographer would do - we took the picture with Sophie - the neighbors dog - as part of the family!

Po Folks Whirl Wind Spring Break 2009

Sunday, March something (I think the 29th), 20097:30am (Not sure what time zone) Looks like we made it! Look how far we've come now baby...Well, what can I say? I should have written what would have been a COLORFUL depiction of our travel story yesterday when I had about 1 hour of sleep and liquid courage. It is now the morning after, I slept 11.5 hours last night and I am typing on our balcony overlooking lush grounds complete with a lazy river, baby pool, water slide, heated swimming pool, beautiful seascape of the bay with all of the resting water vessels lined up along the dock... The sun will begin to peak over the horizon soon and I await with much anticipation. The children lie nestled peacefully scattered around the condo. THIS IS THE LIFE!!!!!! Now, I must snap out of it and channel the part of my brain that is attempting to block out the previous 15 hours...THE DRIVE DOWN (dum, dum, dum dum....)Actually, the anticipation of the drive was much scarier than it turned out to be. We did have some laughs that had us wondering if we needed to stop and find a pharmacy that carried adult depends. None-the-less, we made it. Cathy (my new sister) began the adventure behind the wheel. The packing astounded Tim (my husband) because we managed to pack enough for a small country to live for about a month. Now keep in mind, I am the master organizer (self-proclaimed, of course) and I put much thought and consideration into my packing. I made lists (yes several), I laid it out way in advanced (OK, we just booked the place on Wed so I had 1.5 days-part of the problem), I went over many scenarios, weather forecasts, money saving ideas, etc... I'm sure that Cathy and my Mother (the poor woman that we convinced we were taking on a relaxing, wonderful vacation -A.K.A babysitter, cooker, cleaner, driver... you get the picture :) (Just kidding mom! )planned equally as well as I did! However, when all of the "gear" was laid out behind the Slater Mobile it was clear that we would need a plan "B". We crammed, stashed, squished and crowded as much as we humanly could into the van (around the 7 passengers mind you) and ended up with everything but a few grocery items, a 20 pack of Mic Ultra, a beach chair, a seat messager, and a case of water. Not bad, if I do say so myself. The end result though, was a 10 year old, a 9 year old and an 11 year old (taller than me) in the back bench seat with items stacked to the ceiling behind them (including 3 boogie boards), their pillows & blankets on their laps, a travel entertainment bag at their feet (3 of them), a box with the wii system, a bag of DVD's, a large adult travel bag, a 12 pack of beer, a small cooler, a very large purse (my mother's), a large bag of car snacks, a DVD holder, a music holder, and what we thought might be a decaying animal buried in the rubble (turned out to be Keefer's feet) stacked in the middle isle!!!!! I'll let you sit with this vision for a moment, and will spare you the description of the middle (MeMaw & 4 year old) and front (Cathy & Lori) of the van which was packed equal to the back! We were off... I'm almost sad (not at the time) that I won't have an opportunity to tell you some dramatic, horror story of the next 14.5 hours because I do love to tell a good story (and might make one up about it by the time we get home, just for fun) but really it was uneventful. The kids must have been sitting with the adult's guardian angels because they did not fight, complain, or whine one time! Not even Ellie (age 4). They watched a few movies with headsets on so the ladies could listen to WONDERFUL CD's (my mix of songs was by far the best, just ask Cathy). Ellie fell asleep shortly after her pick of movies around 11pm and slept the ENTIRE night without a peep! The other kids fell asleep a little later and also slept through the night. Cathy drove until 3:3o am and I tried to get some sleep while she drove but just couldn't get comfortable. I think I pieced together about an hour before I took the wheel. BACKGROUND INFO: I usually go to bed by 8:30 pm and fall asleep about 9:30 and like to have about 9 hours shut-eye. Also keep in mind, that Cathy's entire drive was dry, flat and she had 2 adults to entertain her. She did hit one traffic jam because 2 semi's flipped into the median on I65. I'm pretty sure we sat or drove 5 mph for around 45 minutes, but MeMaw & Cathy are convinced it was 1.5-2 hours. I just hate people that exaggerate-hee,hee (my husband seems to think I possess this quality-yeah right!) Anyway, at 3:35am I was behind the wheel, delirious with exhaustion- it immediately started to rain, the roads turned into mountainous, wet death slopes that winded left and right at 90 degree angles (I swear my husband is wrong about me). I had a rough start... I was swerving around and scaring the passengers because I wasn't used to Cathy's wheel, but I quickly gained control (I always do - those who know me well, know I'm a bit of a control freak) and shortly after that I lost it again. Not the wheel this time, but my composure. I began a hysterical laughing fit (about nothing - well, because I couldn't adjust the seat comfortably) by myself... my eyes were filled with blinding tears, and I had that ugly cry look. My co-pilot (Mom) joined in the laughing fit and we rolled like the scenic mountains outside! This lasted about 10 minutes and then it was smooth sailing until I couldn't go any more around 7:45 or 8am. Cathy took the wheel again (man she's a trooper) and I tried too sleep until Ellie woke up but again, could not. Before we knew it, we were here and like a director on a movie set was directing the universe, the clouds parted, the sun beamed down blanketing Phoenix on the Bay II's sun deck, and the God's smiled on us all! Now, I need another cup of coffee before I can wrap my mind around what happened next and load the pictures of our first few hours yesterday. MORE ON THE VACATION: Check our our vacation blog - everyone helped post throughout the week. Visit www.whirlwindorangebeachvacation.blogspot.com